I'm getting married

[Hydra009]

Never thought I'd ever type this. To quote The Monkyees, "I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for me." We expect to be wed by the end of the year.

We met at work. She was nice to me, far nicer than I expected. Naturally, I returned the favor. We started taking each other out to movies outside of work. I developed a crush. Turns out, so did she. We went to the pool, the arcade, water parks, and amusement parks. She absolutely loves roller coasters. I do too, but age has made it so they take more and more of a bodily toll, unfortunately. So I require more breathers than she does.

I vividly remember going with her to see the fireworks one summer. She was looking at the fireworks explode and I could see her face figuratively and literally light up. Such pure, undiluted joy. She feels joy and so do I - and not the same amount, but a magnitude larger. It's the strangest thing. It's like the emotional equivalent of microphone feedback. It's overwhelming.

So whatever makes her happy, I do happily. It's amazing. I took her to a concert that I otherwise would've had no interest in. She sang along and got me to dance with her and it was wonderful. I had a blast. I would probably have fun watching paint dry if it was with her.

It's interesting how different we both are, but we go together like chocolate and peanut butter. She's a cute little southern belle, I look like I'm about to practice with the rest of the grunge band. She's shy for the most part, I'm inquisitive. I almost never watch sports, she's addicted. I rarely would see more than a handful of movies a year, she sees a couple dozen. I hardly ever travel, she's possessed with wanderlust. She gets me out of my shell and exposes me to a lot of things I would've missed.

On the other hand, I'm familiar with lots of stuff she's not particularly into. Scifi, rock music, literature, Lovecraftian horror (she's into thrillers), world history (she knows American history like the back of her hand, but I have her beat in ancient/medieval knowledge), horror shorts, SCP entries, indie animation, zany comedies, etc.

I got her to watch Dune (2021 version) with me but imho the movie did an inadequate job of explaining the basic setting (spice enhances people's abilities, spice is only found on Arrakis, the empire is dependent on spice). Eventually, I'm going to watch the Dune miniseries with her and it's going to blow her mind lol. She hasn't seen The Matrix, either. I know, right? I'm going to absolutely blow her mind one day.

After dating for a while, she showed me a ring she would love (hint hint). I bought it and tried to propose at just the right opportunity, but it never came. One day, I was going to propose shortly after we were to watch fireworks together. But she was getting tired and had work early in the morning, and walked to her car instead. I panicked and started to propose in the parking lot, which wasn't exactly a fantastic move, but I didn't have a whole lot of available options. She knew what I was about to do and told me to meet her at home a couple of hours later. I may have lost the element of surprise but much of her family was there and they congratulated us. Not a bad trade-off.

Now all I have to do is the hundred things I need to do for the wedding, make sure that goes off without a hitch, get a new place together and new job nearby, and then spend the rest of my days cherishing my beautiful wife.

[drunkenshoe]

Congratulations, sweety! So you have hunted a mouse since you've become a cat? I'm so glad to hear that you are happy. Well, if you are into different things, that would balance you the better than the couples who are into the same things, the moment you learn to be courteous to each other. But I'm guessing you have already on that route, if you are committed this far. Good luck!

Well, we have a saying and not to sure how to translate it but I love it, and it is something like: "May you get olden on the same pillow'.

Say hi to her from me. Aaand we'll need pictures of the day I'm afraid. Yep, bring it on.

[Hydra009]

Congratulations, sweety! So you have hunted a mouse since you've become a cat? I'm so glad to hear that you are happy. Well, if you are into different things, that would balance you the better than the couples who are into the same things, the moment you learn to be courteous to each other. But I'm guessing you have already on that route, if you are committed this far. Good luck!

Well, we have a saying and not to sure how to translate it but I love it, and it is something like: "May you get olden on the same pillow'.

Say hi to her from me. Aaand we'll need pictures of the day I'm afraid. Yep, bring it on.

I'm not entirely comfortable with posting my face on the internet, let alone my spouse, but I'll see what I can do.

Btw, she loves cats. So we'll probably end up getting one or two.

We've had a lot of discussions about respecting each other and meeting each other halfway. When she wants to do one thing and I want to do another and they're mutually exclusive, I'll do her thing and then later, she makes it up to me by doing my thing later or something similar. So when conflicts happen, we have ways of dealing with them.

I don't know exactly how to describe our dynamic except that it's like a Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw alliance.

She's naturally very inclusive and kind and practical. The kind of person who works hard by day, tends to the pets when she gets home, and relaxes with a disney/pixar movie.
I'm more aloof and studious and the exact opposite of practical, more interested in learning about dragons than practical matters, though I don't entirely neglect them. Fixated on some ancient history or weird fiction or watercooler show. Very much a "burning the midnight oil" kind of person.

Once, I suggested going to the park for a picnic with a chacuterie board and she had no idea what I was talking about. So I showed her the concept - thinly-sliced meats and cheeses, along with grapes and crackers. Basically, foods you can eat without a fork that can survive being outside for an hour or two. She's intrigued but finds it a bit strange, culturally. Why not eat before or after the park? What about insects? Etc. These are all very logical questions and the answer is that it's not practical, it's extravagant. To quote JFK, "we do these things not because they're a smart idea, but because they're a fun idea" *does the presidential thumb gesture*

We do plan a whirlwind tour of Europe sometime in the future - to Paris without a doubt and likely other places. She wants to see the Eiffel Tower and I want to order at a cafe en francais seulement. She also really wants to also see London and Scotland. Personally, I'd also like to visit Germany and Italy.

[aitm]

Congrats and all the best to you.

[drunkenshoe]

Congratulations, sweety! So you have hunted a mouse since you've become a cat? I'm so glad to hear that you are happy. Well, if you are into different things, that would balance you the better than the couples who are into the same things, the moment you learn to be courteous to each other. But I'm guessing you have already on that route, if you are committed this far. Good luck!

Well, we have a saying and not to sure how to translate it but I love it, and it is something like: "May you get olden on the same pillow'.

Say hi to her from me. Aaand we'll need pictures of the day I'm afraid. Yep, bring it on.

I'm not entirely comfortable with posting my face on the internet, let alone my spouse, but I'll see what I can do.

Btw, she loves cats. So we'll probably end up getting one or two.

We've had a lot of discussions about respecting each other and meeting each other halfway. When she wants to do one thing and I want to do another and they're mutually exclusive, I'll do her thing and then later, she makes it up to me by doing my thing later or something similar. So when conflicts happen, we have ways of dealing with them.

I don't know exactly how to describe our dynamic except that it's like a Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw alliance.

She's naturally very inclusive and kind and practical. The kind of person who works hard by day, tends to the pets when she gets home, and relaxes with a disney/pixar movie.
I'm more aloof and studious and the exact opposite of practical, more interested in learning about dragons than practical matters, though I don't entirely neglect them. Fixated on some ancient history or weird fiction or watercooler show. Very much a "burning the midnight oil" kind of person.

Once, I suggested going to the park for a picnic with a chacuterie board and she had no idea what I was talking about. So I showed her the concept - thinly-sliced meats and cheeses, along with grapes and crackers. Basically, foods you can eat without a fork that can survive being outside for an hour or two. She's intrigued but finds it a bit strange, culturally. Why not eat before or after the park? What about insects? Etc. These are all very logical questions and the answer is that it's not practical, it's extravagant. To quote JFK, "we do these things not because they're a smart idea, but because they're a fun idea" *does the presidential thumb gesture*

We do plan a whirlwind tour of Europe sometime in the future - to Paris without a doubt and likely other places. She wants to see the Eiffel Tower and I want to order at a cafe en francais seulement. She also really wants to also see London and Scotland. Personally, I'd also like to visit Germany and Italy.

Sounds pretty good to me. But as I'm at the groom's side, and someone so far on the ADHD spectrum, what do I know?

Hydra, please, get diagnosed. Doesn't matter what it is... Just get a Yes or a No, maybe nothing at all. Just do it. Maybe you are just like me, maybe you are just an insufferable know it all from birth...who knows. Please do it, kiddo.

[Hydra009]

Sounds pretty good to me. But as I'm at the groom's side, and someone so far on the ADHD spectrum, what do I know?

Hydra, please, get diagnosed. Doesn't matter what it is... Just get a Yes or a No, maybe nothing at all. Just do it. Maybe you are just like me, maybe you are just an insufferable know it all from birth...who knows. Please do it, kiddo.

I will. I'm 90% sure I have adhd. One of the key traits is delayed sleep. But I have to wait for the current administration to be over before I go in for testing. I'm sure you understand.

Literally my brain: https://i.imgur.com/TPMKi14.mp4

She's autistic. She doesn't like to deviate from her established plans and is very keen on doing things "the correct way". She defaults to a neutral expression that doesn't often change and so it's difficult to read her body language. But when she smiles I know she's super happy and that makes me super duper happy.

I made it a habit to be flexible and agreeable and courteous, and that makes for some great interactions and outcomes.

[Cassia]

That's great you found someone. I was resigned to the reality of growing old alone, because I had to rule out anyone who was a myth believer. I tried that before; it was a trainwreck. A liberal atheist musician with similar values and aesthetics popped up on my RADAR screen. We became exclusive almost immediately, but we waited 17 years to legally marry (with zero fanfare.) We celebrate our anniversary on the day we met. Of course, no piece of paper filed in the county courthouse will improve your unconditional love, your commitment, your level of self-sacrifice for each another. Marriage has become very practical for many older couples as it provides Social Security spousal and survivor benefits. This is especially true when one spouse was a high-wage earner and the other was not.

[Hydra009]

Since I'm marrying an autistic person, I've tried to learn what it means to be autistic, which is a LOT easier said than done.

Dictionary definitions leave a lot to be desired. "Behavior showing an abnormal level of absorption with one's own thoughts and disregard for external realities." Well, okay, that's literally anyone who's ever daydreamed or disassociated or felt "in the zone" (flow state). Others say "focused interests". Okay, wtf does that mean? Well, it's something they hyperfocus on "for hours" (wow, whole hours(!) As a gamer, I cannot say I relate *hides Steam playtime statistics*) and wants to learn a lot about it (wanting to learn about your interests sounds a lot like a condition I call being human and having a pulse)

And it's surprisingly difficult to simply ask an autistic person what's going on with the inner workings of their mind. It's like asking a person with asthma what's happening on a molecular, clinical level. I don't possess that level of scientific expertise, so I couldn't say beyond "lungs don't lung so good sometimes and that sucks

Fortunately, there are some autistic people who are very skilled communicators and give some good insights:



I also hate the "unwritten rules" of conversations. So when someone asks me how I'm doing, my first instinct is tell them exactly what's going on with me in the moment. "I hit my shoulder on a doorframe, which caused me to drop my drink on my foot and got my sock baja blasted and to be honest, I don't think it'll ever come out. Now I have to go to Walmart to get some new socks and I don't really wanna. Everyone and everything there feels off somehow, the lights are strange and off-putting and people act weird and say weird things on their phones and get all up in my personal space and I don't have the mental energy to deal with that right now. How about you?" And then they look at me like I just did something wrong.

Also, I appreciate it when people give me their honest reactions when I ask about stuff. I'm willing to hear them out without necessarily agreeing with their conclusion, and I try not to take it personally if their opinion is negative. I remember a while back I posted about how I love the movie Chronicles of Riddick and wanted to know why lots of people didn't like it, especially people who watched the previous movie, Pitch Black. I got an honest answer - mostly that the sequel veered in a different direction and changed the setting somewhat and they didn't like those changes - and I appreciate that. It's impossible to be inquisitive and thin-skinned.

Also, I do very few things with my free time, so unless you want to talk politics or the weather, you're going to hear all about my latest book/tv/movie/video game obsession. I'm not trying to bore you to tears, I'm just trying to connect and this is all I have to work with.

For example, I just saw a Supreme Commander match - a 4 vs 4 - and three people were eliminated on team 1, leaving only one guy. He was under siege for quite a while before he broke the siege and absolutely wrecked the entire enemy team. I cheered like I was watching the Olympics. It was incredible. But I can't go into any detail because you probably have no knowledge of the game (it's not a put-down, it's statistics - very few percent of people are familiar with any given game, especially ones that aren't mega popular)

So again, I look like a crazy person because I'm fanboying over Blackheart's march to the sea instead of the latest basketball game. My bad? Sorry, but I don't understand the rules of conversation - I just have thoughts and you're either going to hear about them or be out of earshot.

[Cassia]

I shared an office with a guy named "Newkirk" who was into anime before it was a thing. He would go on and on about it, like he expected I knew what he was talking about. When I got my own office, he would still come in and start talking anime. The guy across hall said, "since he is a rather large fellow just move these two file cabinets closer and he won't be able to fit in here." I did that and the guy called it a "Newkirk Filter". In electrical engineering we use all sorts of electrical filters named after the inventor. The filter did its job, but one day as I was headed home, he followed me out the parking lot and was still talking about "Goku" as I shut the car door and drove away. He finally got fired one day. I heard he was the best bowler in town, and some speculated they kept him around so the company bowling team won trophies, but when they disbanded the team, he was let go. The 70s-90s workplace was rough.

[Hydra009]

He probably just wanted someone to talk to And probably not into Goku so much as trying to convey how he felt when he watched Goku do something epic and how it blew his mind. Before the 90s, anime was very obscure in the US, so it must've been quite the shock.

And it kinda sucks having these amazing moments and no one else was there for or could understand even if you explained it. I've had many a hike in the local park and you can hear and see and feel amazing things sometimes - a soothing cool breeze on a hot summer's day, an afternoon shower with rolling thunder in the distance that makes you feel so in awe of nature, mist rolling across the lake. These sorts of experiences are hard to convey in words.