stupid jokes

[Cassia]

I heard it said that everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.
This is simply not true. I've been punched in the face several times and I have never had a plan.

[Cassia]

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.

[Hydra009]

[theantithesis]

Did he die?

[drunkenshoe]

LOL We need like buttons...

[Cassia]

If a tomb is pronounced "toom" and a womb is pronounced "woom,"
why isn't a bomb pronounced "boom?"

[Cassia]

BREAKING: A beer was thrown at President Trump during a press conference this afternoon in Washington. Trump was unharmed. Since the beer was a draft,... he was able to dodge it.

[Hydra009]

I didn't see the awards show last night, but I heard that this guy took home an Oscar. So, good for him I guess.

[Unbeliever]

Trump's got the brain of a 4 year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

[Cassia]

Inflation in the US is so bad right now that…

- My friend received a predeclined credit card in the mail.

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

- A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

- A picture is now only worth 200 words.

- The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

- I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty